Jan 2, 2011

Ps. 90:12 Teach us to number our days,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Number my days? 
I don't want to number my days.  I fear the answer I may come upon.
In my younger days, when I was smart and either knew all the answers, or went on short walks and talked with God and He gave me the answers, I wanted to know so much.  I studied and listened and worked and toiled for the goal to know.
Now I find that to know is to know that I don't know.  Whatever that means, I don't know.  It's not that I am confused, bewildered, or even lost to knowledge.  It's just that to know is not all I expected and more than that to know is to know that I don't know at all.
Who am I that I should know?  I am not God.  I do not have infinite knowledge.  Wisdom of the ages is lost on a sot as I. 
Do you know how many times I have attempted to quit sinning?  I have tried with great effort on many occasions to trudge through a whole day with out committing a single sin.   It never happened and if it did I would only find at the end of the day that pride would be my downfall.  Thus the end would be in failure and my goal would not be achieved again.
As Paul said what a wretched man I am.  Paul was able to find solace and comfort in the grace.  The saving grace.  I find little comfort in this grace for why would a perfect and loving God wish to endure eternity with one such as I.  Do I love my God, most assuredly.  Does He love me?  All indications are that He does. 
Again I ask why.  Why?
My New Years resolution is to tear down, cast away and abandon those barriers that are between me and my Loving Savior.  There I am with goals again.
Maybe my New Years resolution should be to seek.  To seek the goals of the One whom I wish so much to please and love.
Number my days.  No I think I will concentrate on this day.  To love and care and strive in the grace and comfort of a loving Savior.  For comfort is most fleeting.
Lead me Oh God this day and help me to find my solace in You.