A Closer Walk

I am an old man in my middle 50s. It seems to me that it should not be so hard to have a personal relationship with my Lord and Savior. But struggle I do in my walk with Him. At times I feel so close and at other times I feel so distant. I've heard the cliches that He hasn't moved, so ........
I so want to know God better but am too lazy or lack intelligence to do so.
It's not really about feelings though, it's about being. Being closer to Him. I choose to be close or distant. It's like sin I choose to sin or not to sin, be obedient or not obedient.
What do I choose today? To let myself be distant, to let the things and circumstances of today separate me from my Lord. Or to be an overcomer and live above the cares of this life.
Easy to do for a short time, but hard to maintain for any sustained time.
I think the secret is to rely on God more and allow Him into even the deepest and darkest areas of my life.
A closer walk is all I desire.